I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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