she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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