Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
