if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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