i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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