i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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