Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
