do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
