nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
