Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
