The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she pinky promised me she was 18
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
