remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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