I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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