It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
then he tried to convert me to islam
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
