Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
