I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
