Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
