My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
