youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
