I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
