So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
