Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i will never coherently bang her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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