i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
