i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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