i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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