the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
