So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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