But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
