he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
