Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
