So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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