the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
