Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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