***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
