My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
