Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
BRING THE BAGELS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
