The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My butt remains clenched, sir.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
