omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
