How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize