so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
