captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
