you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ttyl tear gas
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
