He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
