another moral hangover. fuck.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
