what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
