i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
