On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
