He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
