so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
