dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
