Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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(240): View more from Maryland

Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.

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(718): View more from New York

...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in

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(231): View more from Michigan

the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

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(303): View more from Colorado

Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?

(404): View more from Georgia

I think it's called love, bro

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