i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
