My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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