we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
