So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
