Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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