I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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