I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
