He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
