i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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