Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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