a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
