I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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