i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm always down for nudity.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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