I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
