He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I supernannyed him into submission
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
