Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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