I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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