It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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